Given these times, navigating chaos is now more important than ever…
Like the rest of the natural world, embodied BEing as opposed to disembodied DOing requires a delicate balance of chaos and order. When BEing authentic, we lack self-consciousness (the insecurity that fuels incongruent displays), enabling inspired doing to flow from abundance. We know we are in this abundant BEing state when the reward overshadows the effort. Many refer to this BEing state as natural flow. This is us as human BEings.
Relating to resiliency, with deeper personal roots, we feel secure, trusting that our environmental and relational contexts are adequate to navigate passing challenges. Because we are securely planted, we have a strong sense of place in the world. We interweave with others, giving in times of abundance and receiving in times of need. We have an abundance of fruits and foliage to navigate the external conditions and more than enough to happily contribute to those with fewer resources.
Too much order happens when we predominantly act out of the left side of the brain. From here, we fall into frustrated perfectionism, losing our power to a set of idealistic rules that we feel beholden to. From this state of disconnected attachment to external conditions, we fixate on DOing. When we prioritize the opinions of others over our needs and values, we lack creativity, adaptability, and heartfelt meaning. As a result of this growing incongruence, we carry shame, causing a chronic form of stress that fuels ‘freezing’ and ‘fleeing.’ From this place of fear and scarcity growth is limited, and we become prone to stagnation.
Too much chaos happens when we predominantly act out of the right side of the brain. From here, we lose control as we frantically and fearfully move from one moment to the next, lost in a state of unconscious reacting to the fires of the moment. The space we need to drop into the inner world to stay grounded is chewed up by a barrage of distracting external stimuli. When in extreme chaos, we lose the felt sense of our grounding and security in the world, causing the nervous system to divert our energy to ‘fight’ for our life. From this place of fear and scarcity, growth is very limited (if not impossible), and we become prone to emotional and nervous system breakdown.
Living in complexity, a natural state of flow, happens when we find our unique balance of order and chaos. BEing human requires a certain degree of security in one’s inner and outer resources, which enables us to trust in the various interacting parts of life, all synchronizing in an ordered fashion. It requires a trust in the natural order that unfolds when we act congruently in the world. We develop this trust by practicing authentic self-expression in relationships that can provide compassionate witnessing (unconditional positive regard). In this state of complexity, how we feel and what is important to us manifests in the world through this authentic expression. Because we are not self-conscious or tending to incongruent display we think others need from us, our days roll by relatively effortlessly, fuelled with heartfelt meaning and connection. From this place of abundance, growth is maximized as we naturally synchronize with our environment.
Depending on our nature and the nervous system’s window of tolerance for uncertainty, preferences will vary. Some prefer living on the edge of chaos, leaning into the inspiration that flows from this freer way of being. Others prefer living with more order, finding pleasure in consistent routines that provide frequent grounding opportunities and clearer direction. We find our place on the order-chaos spectrum by paying attention to the expansion and contractions of the body. When we are out of balance, the body gets activated, which acts as our internal alert system. This is our cue! When alerted, we have an opportunity to get curious. When we engage curiosity, we become an objective observer because the very thing we are observer is now a distinct ‘other.’ With this space between the observer and the felt sense, the intense threat lessens, enabling the root emotion to be felt and tended to.
One felt moment at a time, one compassionate act at a time, we find our way back to balance.